Sunday, April 01, 2007

John Doe Reports from the Field

Thank God for Michelle Malkin, whose John Doe Manifesto kept me alert this weekend in a dangerous encounter with some Islamoterrorfascists! Here's the whole story:

So I was down on La Cienega, stopping in at the McDonald's for some nourishment so I would have the strength to defend Western Civilization on my blog, when I suddenly looked across the street. And I've been on this part of La Cienega before, but had never really been alert to my duties as a cultural warrior before I read Michelle's manifesto. But this time, I looked across the street, and for the first time I noticed something that made my blood curdle! There was a big building on the other side of the street with a sign on top. And the sign said:

Bikram College.

And right there, I went on Full Alert, because right here in Los Angeles was a sign written in Muslim, instead of English! It got my attention fast!

And it got worse from there! I started scanning for threats, John Doe-style, like I have seen on the TV! And right away I noticed that there were a bunch of people walking around in front of the Muslim college carrying rolled up mats. Once I saw the prayer mats, then BAM!, I knew -- I was staring straight down the barrel of a real-life MADRASSA!!! Right here in AMERICA!!!

When I saw how many of them were gathered around, I knew in my heart that they were preparing for a Mission! And that could only mean one thing: They were about to put the sharia law onto our restaurants!!!

I touched my John Doe button for strength. What would Michelle do? I took a deep breath and looked around. Fortunately, right at that moment, I saw a police car coming down the street. I stepped out to the edge of the curb, trying to play it real cool so the Muslims wouldn't come over and put a jihad onto me, and the policemen pulled over and stopped. They rolled down their window to talk to me.

"What's up?" a policeman asked.

"Over there," I said, gesturing with my chin. "It's on! The Muslims are gathering to put the sharia law onto our restaurants! Let's roll!"

Well, they were blown away! You could see how amazed they were, because they were silent for a long time, and they turned to look at each other, real meaningful-like! Finally, one of the policemen asked who I was, and I told him, real proud, "I am John Doe!"

And they were real silent again -- trying to deal with the magnitude of it all! -- before one of the policemen looked at me, real solemn, and said, "We'll take care of it!"

And then they drove away, I assume to go assemble a SWAT Team.

I would really hate to be those Muslims, right now! Take THAT, Islamoterrorshariabrownpeoplefascists! You can't get us here in America, because John Doe is ON THE JOB!

Score a BIG VICTORY for Michelle and her followers!


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