It's Working!

Ever since I signed on to the John Doe Manifesto, I have been able to stop the terrorists COLD by being ALERT AT ALL TIMES. The most useful part has been the statement about how we won't allow sharia law in our restaurants, although I originally misread the manifesto to say that we wouldn't allow Shakira law in our restaurants, which I would be totally fine with, on account of how she's got junk in the trunk for reals. I mean, who would be against Shakira going to some restaurants?

Where was I?

Oh, right! No sharia law in our restaurants!

So, okay, me and Jonah Goldberg were sitting in the Claim Jumper today, having some appetizers -- Jonah ordered six kinds -- when a Muslim ran in and tried to put a jihad on our stuffed potato skins!!!

And we were all, like, "I'm John Doe -- don't make me call a busboy over to the table to harsh on you!"

And the Muslim? He did not put anymore sharia law onto our appetizers. Yay, John Doe Manifesto!!! You have given me the strength to defend my stuffed potato skins from sharia law!!!